Somewhere In Between
by bigtimefiction
Summary: When tragedy strikes, Carlos' faith in James can't be shaken. But will faith be enough? Show-verse. SLASH.
1. Chapter 1

**This story is respectfully inspired by "You Could Be Anywhere" by Butterfly Bandage, which is one of my favorite fanfics in the world. This is a very short chapter, but I just wanted to get this story out there. If I know people are reading it, it might motivate me to finish :)**

Watching a movie with Carlos Garcia, especially one rated above PG always took way longer than it was supposed to. More often than not Carlos would cry out for you to hit 'pause' so he could reload his bucket of popcorn or so you could explain to him what something meant. So far they'd managed to get through most of the movie they were watching without an interruption from Carlos, but James knew that look on his face.

The Latino's hand, filled with popcorn, was halfway to his mouth when he frowned at the TV screen. It was an action movie and the hero had been badly injured. "What's a coma?" He mused out loud.

James groaned and reached for the remote control. "You know what a coma is!"

"But what does it _mean?_ What is it?" the smaller boy persisted. Everyone turned to Logan for help.

Logan sighed as if he was put out by having to explain but everyone knew that secretly he was thrilled to share his knowledge. The young future doctor constantly read medical journals and studied so much that all of the boys knew he was going to be an amazing doctor one day.

Logan sat straight up, cleared his throat and turned toward Carlos. "A coma is a deep state of unconsciousness usually caused by severe trauma to the brain. There are varying degrees of a coma which are measured on a scale and then given a score." He said matter-of-factly.

"A score? Like in a hockey game?" Carlos wrinkled his forehead. "What kind of degrees?"

"Well, sometimes the person can respond to voices or simple commands, even though they can't wake up. Sometimes they don't give a response at all."

Carlos took a minute to think about this. "It's like they're trapped," he decided. "Like they're in there somewhere and you just have to find them and pull them out."

Logan nodded slowly. "I guess it is kind of like that. Only sometimes people don't ever wake up."

Carlos frowned at that new information. "Those people are REALLY lost in there," he sighed, popping the handful of popcorn into his mouth and turning back to the movie, which James quickly un-paused before Carlos could speak again.


	2. Chapter 2

"Dude, it's definitely your turn to return the movie." Kendall shoved the DVD case into James' hands.

"Ooh, can I go? Can I go?" Carlos jumped up and down with glee. "I need fruit smashers. The vending machine is all out of them," he pouted.

James looked at Carlos and sighed. "Fine. I'm out of 'Cuda spray anyway. Come on, Carlos." James grabbed his keys and waited by the door.

Carlos threw on his favorite black helmet, tapping the top of it with a grin before racing to the door where James waited. James' expression changed when Carlos appeared in front of him, face softening and a smile crossing his lips. He leaned down to press a kiss to the shorter boy's lips. Carlos beamed proudly, clasped hands with his boyfriend and the two disappeared through the door.

* * *

><p>2J was quiet. Almost too quiet without James singing to his reflection in the mirror, or Carlos breaking something. The ringing of the telephone broke the silence and Katie turned her head to see who was on the phone when Mama Knight answered. "Hello? Jennifer Knight speaking." Her eyes went wide, hand pressed to her chest. "<em>What? <em>Are they all right?"

Katie stood from her chair at the kitchen table and Kendall and Logan got up from the orange couch, all three forming a semi-circle around Mama Knight.

"Yes, thank you." She said, distracted as she hung up the phone. Worry was etched on her face as she looked at her daughter, son and Logan. "Carlos and James were in an accident. Let's go!" She grabbed her keys as she hurried to the front door of the apartment.

She didn't need to say anymore. With that everyone ran after her. Only Kendall slowed long enough to speak to his mother. "Are they…they're fine, right?"

"Kendall." His mother looked at him with worried eyes. "They couldn't tell me anything on the phone. So I don't know, sweetheart. But they said that we should come right away."

Kendall's heart lurched. Until now he'd had a vision of Carlos and James sitting in some exam room at the ER getting a few stitches, maybe a cast or two, laughing about how silly the other looked. He didn't think that was the case anymore.

The ride to the hospital was a blur. Logan and Kendall tried their best to distract Katie and keep her calm. It was hard when neither of them felt calm, not knowing what they were about to face when they arrived at the hospital.

The walk down the stark white halls felt endless. As they approached a set of heavy double doors they swung open and a familiar face was being wheeled toward them in a wheelchair.


	3. Chapter 3

"Carlos!" All four of them cried out at once, hurrying to surround the boy.

Logan studied him briefly. There was a nasty looking bruise on his jawline, a cut above his left eye and his leg was in a cast. He was smiling though and didn't look like he was in any pain so they all took turns hugging him carefully.

"Where's James? Is he buying me a 'get well soon' teddy bear from the gift shop?" Carlos asked with a grin. Mama Knight, Katie, Kendall and Logan all exchanged looks, then looked at the nurse.

"He's not with us, buddy." Kendall finally spoke up. He looked at the nurse again for answers.

"The doctor is on his way out here. He needs to speak with you," she said quietly to Mama Knight before patting Carlos' arm gently and walking back through the doors.

Logan stared after her, stomach sinking. Kendall knelt so he was eye-level with Carlos. "How ya feelin' man?"

"Pretty good!" Carlos said cheerfully, a little too cheerfully given the situation.

Logan looked at Mama Knight. "Pain meds," he mouthed. She nodded in agreement. Logan bent over, hands on his knees. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Carlos assured them. "I broke my leg, though." He tapped the heavy cast on his left leg.

"I'd say you got off pretty lucky, son." The booming voice of the doctor piped up as he appeared behind Carlos. He introduced himself as Dr. Nichols. "I understand that you are the guardian of James Diamond?"

"Yes, I am." Mama Knight said quickly. "Is he alright? Where is he?"

"I'm afraid most of the impact was on the driver's side. James sustained a pretty serious head injury, as well as broken ribs and wrist fracture."

All five faces fell at the doctor's words.

"But he's gonna be okay, isn't he?" Kendall prodded.

Dr. Nichols hesitated. "The problem is that there's massive swelling in James' brain. He's completely unresponsive."

Logan's hand flew up to cover his mouth. "He's in a coma?" he swallowed hard. Carlos' eyes went wide.

Dr. Nichols nodded his head. "I'm afraid so."

"Will he…is he going to wake up?" Logan's voice was nearly a whisper. He knew swelling of the brain was not good.

"It's hard to say," Dr. Nichols admitted. "If he wakes up soon he has an excellent chance at making a complete recovery. But at this point we just don't know if and when he'll wake up. Our hope is that he'll begin to show some response once he begins to heal."

Logan nodded, letting out a shaky breath, avoiding looking at Carlos. He didn't think he could stand to see the devastation on his face right now.

"Can we see him? Carlos spoke up. Logan looked down at him in surprise. Carlos' voice was not shaky. There were no tears in his eyes. Logan wondered how badly the pain meds were clouding his mind. 'Someone should take him aside', he thought. 'and explain what was happening.'

But there was no time as they were ushered into an elevator and up to ICU where James had a private room, and Carlos was wheeling himself through the door before Logan could stop him. Mama Knight followed, holding tightly to Katie's hand. Kendall and Logan trailed along after.

Logan swallowed hard when he saw James in the bed. His pretty face was marred by bruises and cuts. A white bandage was wrapped around his head, obscuring his forehead. His left wrist was in a black brace. He wasn't on a ventilator though, which meant he was breathing on his own. That was good, Logan knew. All James required was a thin tube under his nose, blowing oxygen to help him out a little.

Logan and Kendall exchanged a look as Carlos approached the right side of James' bed. Kendall immediately moved to stand behind him, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder and squeezing lightly. There was silence in the room except for the steady beep of James' heart monitor. Mama Knight wiped away a tear and even Katie's eyes appeared to be filling with tears. Everyone stayed quiet, waiting for the inevitable moment when Carlos realized the severity of the situation and broke down. But that moment didn't come.

Silently Carlos took James' hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing it so tenderly that Mama Knight felt a lump in her throat. "Hi, sweetheart. It's me. It's Carlos." Carlos' voice was soft but full of strength. And he was smiling.

Logan was alarmed. He pushed Kendall aside, crouching in front of his wheelchair-bound friend. "Carlos – how much pain meds are you on?"

Carlos shrugged, tearing his eyes from James to look at Logan. "Not much, my leg is starting to hurt. Why?" His brow wrinkled.

"Are you SURE you didn't hit your head?" Logan persisted.

"Nope. Didn't hit my head." Carlos shook his head firmly, rubbing his bruised chin. "Just bumped my chin on James' shoulder when we got hit."

Logan looked helplessly at Mama Knight and Kendall before looking back at Carlos. "Do you…do you understand what's going on?" he asked slowly.

Carlos rolled his eyes and spoke back just slowly. "Yes…I…do. I'm not stupid, Logan."

"I didn't mean to say you were!" Logan said quickly. "I'm sorry. I just –" he caught a look from Mama Knight telling him to back off and felt Kendall's fingers closing over his bicep, gently tugging him away.

Carlos turned his attention back to James. He smiled once more, rubbing his thumb soothingly over the back of James' hand. "Just rest baby. I'll be here when you open your eyes."


	4. Chapter 4

As the days passed, James did not open his eyes. Logan spoke with the doctors and realized they didn't have much hope. But Carlos had enough hope for all of them. Day after day he sat by James' side, smile never faltering.

"_In the great green room there was a telephone. And a red balloon, And a picture of- the cow jumping over the moon. And there were three little bears, sitting on chairs. And two little kittens and a pair of mittens. And a little toy house and a young mouse. And a comb and a brush and bowl full of mush. And a quiet old lady who was whispering "Hush"." _Carlos' voice was quiet and soft as he read, holding tightly to James' hand as if it were a lifeline, only letting go occasionally to turn the pages.

"_Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light and the red balloon. Goodnight bears, goodnight chairs. Goodnight kittens and goodnight mittens. Goodnight clocks and goodnight socks. Goodnight little house. And goodnight mouse."_ Every night since the accident he'd read the book to James, knowing that it had been his favorite bedtime story as a child. He might be scared in there, he thought. It must be terrifying to not be able to find your way back. Maybe hearing Carlos read the story that offered him comfort as a child might offer him that same comfort now.

"_Goodnight comb and goodnight brush. Goodnight nobody, goodnight mush. And goodnight to the old lady whispering "Hush". Goodnight stars, goodnight air. Goodnight noises everywhere." _Carlos closed the tattered copy of 'Goodnight Moon' and set it aside on the bedside table. James DID hear him; Carlos knew it like he knew his own name. He knew what Logan thought, knew what all of the doctors thought. But screw their research and their degrees. This wasn't just another statistic. This wasn't a page in a medical book. This was James. A living, breathing person who would never in a million years leave Carlos. He would fight like hell to come back. This, Carlos was sure of.

He eased himself up from the hard plastic chair he was sitting in, leaning down so he could whisper in James' ear. "Goodnight sweetheart. Sweet dreams." He kissed his boyfriend's cheek softly, rising to stand on his good leg and reaching for his crutches. He crossed the room carefully to the couch where Kendall and Logan sat talking quietly amongst themselves and sat down with them. They stayed with him every day for hours at the hospital, only leaving at night to get some sleep. Carlos almost never left.

All three boys were silent for a moment as they watched the peaceful rise and fall of James' chest. "I wonder if he's dreaming," Carlos wondered out loud.

"I think he is," Kendall spoke up before Logan could. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees so he could look over at Carlos, who sat opposite Logan. "I think he's dreaming about all his favorite things, all his favorite people. I think he's dreaming about all the cool things he's gonna get to do when he wakes up." Kendall paused briefly. "But you know what? Most of all I bet he's dreaming about you, Carlos."

Carlos had been listening intently, eyes bright and shining as he drank in every word. He hoped so too. He wanted to think James was in there somewhere dreaming about 'Cuda spray and his lucky white v-neck and the pool at the Palm Woods. But something else was nagging at him. "Do you…do you think he's in pain?" he asked after a minute, eyes darting to look at Logan.

"No, buddy." Logan said softly with a shake of his head, offering Carlos a small smile. The thought comforted Carlos. "Good," he whispered. "That's good." His usually bright brown eyes were tired, dark circles beneath them. He stifled a yawn, turning back to look at James as if reminding himself why he couldn't succumb to sleep.

Logan followed Carlos' gaze. "Why don't you sleep for awhile?" he suggested. "Kendall and I will go sit with James." He got to his feet, Kendall doing the same so Carlos could lay down.

Carlos looked dubiously at his friends as he began to stretch out across the worn blue couch, draping a blanket over himself. This was where he slept each night, though he couldn't bring himself to sleep more than a few hours at a time. The fear that James would wake up without Carlos there at his side was too strong. "You won't leave him, right?"

"We won't leave him." Kendall assured him, resting a hand briefly on his shoulder. "You just sleep."

Carlos' heavy eyelids were already closing. "And if he wakes up, come get me right away," he murmured sleepily.

"Of course." Kendall said quickly. Logan stuffed his hands in his pockets and settled into one of the chairs by the bed, Kendall following close by. Each boy glanced at Carlos, then looked at one another. They didn't know whether to hope Carlos dreamed about James or whether to hope he dreamed of nothing.

**I don't own 'Goodnight Moon'. The author is Margaret Wise Brown. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

_There was glass everywhere. He shook the glass off his arms, carefully testing all his limbs. Ow, okay his left leg hurt. He was pretty sure he'd used it to brace himself just before the SUV hit them. Pretty stupid move, he realized now but at least he hadn't gone flying through the windshield. There was blood running down his face and that was annoying, it made it hard to see. He felt a cut above his eye, but it didn't feel very big. Nothing else hurt except for his chin which throbbed a little. He remembered bumping it on James' shoulder upon impact._

_James._

"_James?" He tried to wipe the blood out of his eyes, turning toward the driver's seat. James. Why wasn't he answering? "JAMES!"_

"_It's okay, I'm right here Carlos."_

_Oh thank God, thank God._

"_James." Carlos breathed, throwing his arms around his boyfriend. James slowly lifted his head from where it had been resting against the window. The SUV had hit the front end on James' side and though the windshield had shattered, thankfully James' window was intact. "Your head. It's bleeding pretty bad."_

_James tried to lift a hand to touch his head, but winced in pain. "I think my wrist is broken," he frowned, leaning his head back against the headrest of his seat, looking dazed.  
><em>

"_You're hurt, oh God you're hurt aren't you?" Panic rose in Carlos' voice._

"_Ssh, baby." James reached over with his uninjured hand, linking his fingers with Carlos'. "Everything's gonna be fine." He mumbled. "Can you…can you call 911?"_

_With a shaking hand Carlos dug his cell phone out of his pocket, pressing the numbers and waiting for an answer. "Hello? Hello, we were in a car accident. There's blood and we're hurt and you need to come quick okay because – James!"_

"_Sir I need you to stay on the line –"_

"_Please just come quick, he doesn't look so good." Carlos rattled off the intersection and dropped his phone, twisting in his seat to press his hands to either side of James' face. "Hey, stay with me okay?"_

"_Still here. Just tired," James mumbled, eyes fluttering open before closing again._

"_I know, I know you're tired but you have to…HEY!" He slapped at his boyfriend's cheeks._

"_Love you." James whispered._

"_Don't do that, don't say it – "_

"_Wanted to make sure you didn't forget." A corner of James' mouth turned up into a smile. He forced his eyes open in time to see the tears streaking down Carlos' face. _

"_I love you, God I love you. Help is coming okay? I can hear the sirens." Carlos was laughing with relief through his tears, the ambulance was so close. James was right; everything was going to be okay. He turned away from James to stick his head out the passenger's side window, yelling to the paramedics as the ambulances parked. "Help him first! I'm fine, just a broken leg." He turned back to James . "They're here baby, you're gonna be okay." He told him._

_James offered him a weak smile. "Yeah, I'm gonna be fine," he whispered. "I would never leave you."_

Carlos woke up with a start, tears pouring from his eyes. His chest hurt. He was pretty sure it was on fire. No, it was just too hard to breathe. Who was making that sound, that awful, gut-wrenching sobbing sound? Oh. It was him.

Kendall moved so quickly he knocked over the chair he was sitting in, hurrying to get to Carlos' side. There were no words exchanged. Nothing needed to be said. The blonde folded the smaller boy into his arms, holding him tight and just let him cry.


	6. Chapter 6

"He looks good, doesn't he?" Carlos asked proudly, smiling so hard his cheeks sort of hurt. He stood by the bed, a walking boot on his foot instead of the heavy cast he'd been wearing for the past few weeks.

"He does look pretty damn good," Logan admitted, standing at the foot of the bed with Kendall. A lop-sided smile crossed his face as he looked down at one of his best friends. James would have been happy to know that none of the cuts on his face had scarred, and now that they were finally healed he looked like himself again.

It almost made this harder, looking at James lying there in the bed looking perfectly fine but being so still. The sound of his breathing and the steady beep of the heart monitor were the only proof that he were alive. Logan thought to himself that this had been so much easier when James was lying there covered in bruises and cuts, head all bandaged up. Carlos had helped the nurse wash James' hair and give him a sponge bath and had convinced her to use James' beloved Cuda spray so now he even smelled like the old James. It was all too much and Logan had to walk out of the room.

At the sound of Logan hurrying from the room Kendall's head snapped up, brow wrinkling. He exchanged a look with a confused Carlos and hurried after him. "Hey – you okay? What was that all about?"

Logan stood in the hall, tears blurring his vision and threatening to fall. "This makes it so fucking…so _real_, you know? He didn't look like himself before. I could convince myself…I don't know, that it wasn't James lying there in the bed." He pulled down the sleeves of his shirt to cover his hands as if he were cold, wrapping his arms around himself. "I can't do that anymore. One of my best friends is dying and – and it's like I can just HEAR him begging me to do something. To fix him. But I can't. I can't." Logan's voice broke and the tears finally spilled over, making their way down his cheeks as Kendall hurried forward and pulled the smaller boy into his arms. Kendall wished he knew what to say but for once the fearless leader of the group was completely speechless.

* * *

><p>Mama Knight had finally gotten in touch with James' parents who seemed to want to be as far away from the entire situation as possible. Half-hearted excuses were given and all the medical decisions were left up to Mama Knight. But nothing else could be done for James . All that was to be done was wait. A month of waiting had begun taking its toll on everyone, especially Carlos.<p>

"I don't know why but tonight's been especially hard. I just miss you so much." Carlos looked down at his hands. "And I wonder sometimes if I'm doing the right thing for you." He swallowed hard, clasping his hands together so hard his knuckles turning white. "A lot of people think it's like you're just sleeping. But I know it's not. It's not. You're in there fighting, struggling. And it's been a month. Maybe you're tired. Maybe you've been in there saying 'Shut up, Carlos. It's time for you to let me go.' And here I sit day after day asking you to wake up. To open your eyes – _for me_. Maybe I'm being selfish but God, James, I don't know what the right thing is anymore." He inhaled shakily, a small sob escaping as he exhaled.

Carlos reached for James' hand and held it to his lips. "I believe you can do this and I'll never give up on you. I know if it was me in your place you would never give up on me. But if you need to go, you can go baby. I'll understand." He whispered thought he could swear he felt his own heart breaking as he spoke the words. Tears leaked out of the corners of his eyes and he wiped them away roughly with his sleeve.

And then as he sat there holding one of James' hands tightly in both of his own, he felt the slightest squeeze back. For a moment he couldn't breathe. "James?" his eyes darted to look at his boyfriend in the bed before him. But his eyes were still closed, nothing had changed and just like that the pressure in his hand was gone. Maybe he had imagined it. Maybe he'd wanted it so badly that – no, it had really happened. He was sure of it.

Carlos squeezed James' hand back, kissing it over and over. "I felt it baby. I hear what you 're trying to tell me." He laughed and cried at the same time. "You're telling me 'Don't you dare give up on me' and I won't. I won't."

Carlos got to his feet, careful of all the wires and tubes that James was attached to as he climbed into the bed. He didn't care what the nurses might say. He needed this and he knew that James needed it too.

He curled his body up against James' side, laying his head on his boyfriend's chest. He closed his eyes and listened to the steady heartbeat, felt it pulse against his ear. Carlos slid his arm across James' waist, holding him tightly. He'd sleep well tonight, he knew. And maybe by morning James would be ready to come back to him.


	7. Chapter 7

Logan flung open the door to James' room, stopping short in the doorway when he saw Carlos in the bed, all curled up against James. The Latino yawned and opened one eye, squinting against the light before opening the other. "Hey man. I didn't mean to wake you." Logan said apologetically.

"Mmm. No, it's okay. I'm surprised a nurse didn't kick me out first." Carlos sat up and stretched, careful not to jar James or displace any of the wires. He rose from the bed, tucking the covers lovingly around his boyfriend before turning to Logan, excitement lighting up his face. "He's so close to waking up, Logan! He squeezed my hand last night. He's going to be okay!"

Logan's eyes widened and he looked from Carlos to James, then back to Carlos. "Are you serious? Oh my God – that's amazing! You've got to tell his doctors!"

"I will!" Carlos nodded quickly. "You see, I told you! I told you he was going to be fine!"

Logan was stunned by the positive turn of events as he bridged the gap between them and hugged his friend tightly. "I'm so happy to hear that." A rush of emotions ran through him. Relief that he had been wrong. Happiness. Guilt for doubting his friend. But before he could say anymore Dr. Nichols walked into the room with a nurse.

"Good morning," he said cheerfully. "How's Mr. Diamond doing this morning?"

"I think he's waking up!" Carlos blurted out. "He squeezed my hand last night when I was talking to him!"

A flicker of surprise appeared on the doctor's face and he fumbled for James' chart. "Well now! Would you mind stepping outside so I can run a few quick tests?"

"Of course Doctor." Carlos nodded to the door. "Let's get some coffee," he suggested to Logan. "It's on me," he grinned. The two smiling boys left the hospital room with Logan throwing his arm around Carlos' shoulder.

A short time later, Kendall met up with Carlos and Logan outside of James' room. "What is taking them so long!" Carlos exclaimed impatiently.

Kendall chuckled. "Relax. They're probably just being really thorough. I'm sure they'll be – oh, look. Here they are now." A smug smile appeared on the blonde's face.

Dr. Nichols exited, followed by the nurse who continued down the hall. "Well as you know he's still stable and holding his own, which is great. I'm afraid you must have been mistaken though, Mr. Garcia. There's been absolutely no change. It's impossible that Mr. Diamond could have responded to your voice."

Carlos was both crushed and angry at the same time. "How do you know? I felt it! It happened!" His fists clenched and Kendall put a steadying hand on his shoulder.

"Our tests indicate that James does not respond to stimuli at all. There was no reaction to pain when he was tested, nor was he able to follow any simple commands."

"Maybe he was too tired!" Carlos' voice was desperate and Logan swallowed hard, staring down at the floor. "Maybe squeezing my hand last night took too much out of him."

Dr. Nichols looked apologetic. "Mr. Garcia, I'm afraid that – "

"Screw your tests! I KNOW what happened last night. And I refuse to listen to this. You can give up on him all you want but don't expect me to. You don't know what you're talking about." Carlos glared at the doctor and brushed past him, re-entering James' room and pulling the door closed tightly behind him.

Kendall gave the doctor a dirty look and hurried in after Carlos. "I'm sorry about that," Logan sighed, running a hand through his dark, spiky hair. "He's just upset; he really believes that he felt James squeeze his hand. He just wants it to be real so much."

"I understand, Mr. Mitchell." Dr. Nichols said kindly. "Please, don't even worry about it." He offered a small smile before excusing himself to go check on another patient.

"Carlos?" Kendall asked hesitantly, coming up behind the smaller boy.

"I'm okay." Carlos sighed and turned around to face Kendall. "I know that was rude of me. I shouldn't have snapped at him."

"You were upset. He told you something you didn't want to hear and – "

"You believe me, don't you?" Carlos interrupted, a small frown on his face.

"I do," Kendall assured him with no hesitation. "If he was going to respond to anybody it'd be you. He's probably enjoying screwing with the doctor's head," Kendall grinned, nodding to James in the bed.

Carlos laughed, and it was a welcome sound in a room that had been so somber. "He probably is," he agreed.

"Carlos," Kendall began slowly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Would you mind if I…asked for a few minutes alone with James?"

"Oh yeah, sure." Carlos said quickly. It hadn't occurred to him until now that the others would have things they wanted to say in private to James too. He'd been so wrapped up in making sure he never left his side that he hadn't really given Kendall or Logan a chance to have time with him. "I'll go see if Logan wants some lunch."

Kendall waited until the door had shut behind him to sink down into a chair. "Hey bud. It's Kendall. " He paused briefly. This was awkward, how did Carlos do this every day? "I, uh…brought you something." From his back pocket he carefully extracted something. "I thought you might want your lucky comb." He leaned over and eased the comb gently into the palm of James' left hand. The brace was gone and in its place was a simple ace bandage. James' body was healing, but his brain didn't seem to be getting the memo, Kendall thought.

"Um, no pressure or anything but could you do me a huge favor and wake up soon? We all miss you so much and it's just not the same without you. You'd be so proud of Carlos, though." Kendall smiled a little. "He's so much stronger than any of us ever realized. He's been the glue holding us together through this. He believes in you so much, believes that because you love each other there's no way this won't turn out okay. He sits here with you every day and night and somehow he never stops smiling, even though he's gotta be hurting right now. All of us are." There was a slight pause and then Kendall spoke up again, quietly. "I don't know if I could be as strong as Carlos if Logan were hurt." A spot of red appeared on each cheek and he quickly cleared his throat. "Logan's the one I worry about," he admitted. "He always has the answers and if he doesn't, then he turns to me for the answer. And I don't have one, not for this. It kills him that he can't just snap his fingers and fix it. He likes fixing things. Anyway while you're working on the whole 'waking up' thing maybe you could do me another favor in the meantime?" Kendall asked hopefully. "You see, the doctor is having a hard time believing that you squeezed Carlos' hand last night. So…if you could show some sign that you're, you know in there? In front of the doctor or a nurse? That would be awesome." Kendall sat there awkwardly for another minute or so, drumming his fingertips on the arms of the chair. "So uh…just get better James. Okay? We need you back. We love you man." He lightly touched his friend's hand before starting to rise from the chair. He knew Carlos wouldn't be too happy that he'd left James alone but he was starting to get pretty hungry. What Carlos didn't know wouldn't hurt him if he hurried back.


	8. Chapter 8

"Carlos, I need to talk to you about something." Logan toyed nervously with the plastic fork he held in his hands, not really the least bit hungry as the two sat in the crowded hospital cafeteria.

Carlos however, was apparently ravenous as he shoveled food into his mouth. "Sure, what about?" he asked, mouth full of food and oblivious to how uncomfortable Logan seemed.

"I talked to Mama Knight this morning and…well, James' mother called to speak with Dr. Nichols. She's been inquiring about James' quality of life." Logan swallowed hard. "And asking what the chances are that he'll ever wake up."

Carlos paused, fork in hand on its way to his mouth. "What do you mean by that?"

Logan sighed and looked away. "She doesn't want James to just lie there in a bed for the rest of his life."

Carlos slammed his fork down. "None of us want that, but it's not like he's on life support and she can just choose to pull a plug! He's breathing on his own!"

"I know, but technically he IS on life support." Logan pointed out. "He'd die if he wasn't being fed through tubes."

"That's bullshit." Carlos waved a hand at Logan. "So, what, now we have to fight her to keep him alive? She doesn't even give a damn enough to BE here but she wants to just stop feeding him? Starve him to death?"

"No, no Carlos it's not like that," Logan said quickly. "I just wanted to warn you that if he doesn't wake up…this might be a conversation we'll have to have with Mrs. Diamond somewhere down the road."

Carlos' fists clenched, then unclenched as he tried to calm himself. "IF he stops breathing on his own, I will agree to let him go." He said quietly. "I'll know that he's ready. But he isn't ready now."

To his surprise Logan nodded in agreement. "I know. I'm on your side, Carlos." He offered his friend a smile, which Carlos gratefully returned. "We're in this one together. Nobody's taking James from us."

* * *

><p>Four weeks turned to six and still no change. Slowly the boys were being forced to decide what to do about the band.<p>

"Griffin's been really great through all of this but he says we've got to make a decision. Put the band on hold or move forward." Logan put his head in his hands.

"I don't want to start recording anything new without James and I'm NOT going out on tour." Carlos said firmly.

"That's understandable. We just have to realize that if we choose to take a break there might be no room for Big Time Rush when we're ready to come back," Kendall said gently. "The music world changes fast and there's always another band waiting in the wings. But I'm okay with that if you guys are. My heart's not in it without James."

"Mine either," Logan said sadly.

"Neither is mine," Carlos chimed in.

"Then it's settled! Big Time Rush is on a big time break." Kendall stood from the uncomfortable waiting room chair and pulled out his cell phone. "I'm going to go call Griffin. Hopefully he has his warm pants and he's in a good mood."

Logan and Carlos watched Kendall disappear down the hall. Logan nodded to the door of James' room. "You go in and sit with him. I'm gonna stay out here and just think."

Carlos frowned as he stood up. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Logan shot him an assuring smile. And he really was fine. It was just hard to come to terms with all they'd lost in just six short weeks. Kendall was right, there would probably be no place for Big Time Rush when they were ready to come back. But it was okay. Without one of his best friends standing by his side there was no Big Time Rush.

* * *

><p>"Hey baby!" Carlos was cheerful as ever as he took his place by his boyfriend's bed. James' wrist was free of the ace bandage and he looked as perfect as ever. Carlos reached out and lightly ran his fingers through the silky brown locks of James' hair. "We had to make a tough decision just now." He bit his lip. "Griffin needed to know what we're going to do about the band and we chose to take a break. I know you want to yell at me right now but baby I don't care about the band if you're not in it. It's one for all and all for one remember? So don't be mad. It's what we all wanted to do." He grew silent, a lump forming in his throat. "God, I miss you." The words rushed out before he could stop them. "It's been six whole weeks since I saw those pretty eyes of yours. Since I heard your voice. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can swear I hear you say my name but when I open my eyes…of course it wasn't real." He frowned, taking James' hand in his. "Just...just come back soon, okay?" He felt drained, both emotionally and physically. He scooted the chair closer to the bed, resting his head against James' stomach and closed his eyes to rest them for just a moment.<p>

* * *

><p>"Should we wake him? That doesn't look very comfortable."<p>

"No, sshh. Let him sleep. He looks exhausted."

"But his neck is all…twisted." Logan protested, his voice more like a loud whisper.

"Just leave him. He wants to be as close to James as possible right now." Kendall insisted.

The two stood in the doorway for a minute, just watching their two best friends. Kendall looked at Logan and though there was no exchange of words, Logan's hand slid into Kendall's. Kendall smiled almost shyly, linking his fingers with the smaller boy's and the two walked out together, hand in hand.

The sun streamed brightly through the blinds when Carlos reluctantly opened his eyes, making him squint against the sun. He got up, his forearm thrown over his eyes to shield them from the brightness as he stumbled to his feet and closed them completely. The sounds of nurses hard at work in the halls trickled in but the hospital room was quiet as usual, save for the beeping of the heart monitor. He nearly tripped over the chair trying to get back into it without fully opening his eyes. All he wanted to do was go back to sleep and be close to his boyfriend. He lay his head back down, allowing his lids to close once more. As he was drifting off, he felt fingers moving slowly through his short dark hair and he shot up so fast he nearly fell out of the chair. He gripped the arms to steady himself and came face to face with beautiful hazel eyes, framed by long, thick dark lashes.


	9. Chapter 9

Carlos' breath caught in his throat and his heart began racing so wildly he thought it might just burst. "J-James," he cried out, tears welling up in his eyes and spilling down his cheeks. "You're really awake, I'm not dreaming?"

Weary eyes looked back at him, the corners crinkling as he smiled weakly. "I'm really awake," His voice was hoarse and Carlos quickly filled a glass of water from the pitcher beside the bed. He held the glass to James' lips, supporting the back of his head. "Easy now," Carlos cautioned.

James sipped slowly and Carlos set the glass down when he'd finished, sitting down carefully on the edge of the bed. It was all beginning to sink in now and he started to cry again, touching James' face, his hands, anywhere he could reach, just needing to prove to himself that this was real. James took Carlos' hands and kissed them.

"When did…how long have you been awake?" Carlos' brow wrinkled as he looked down at his boyfriend.

"A little while," James admitted, smiling sheepishly. "I didn't want to wake you. I just wanted to…look at you for a while."

Carlos burst into laughter, wiping away tears. James looked at him in confusion. "What's so funny?"

"You didn't want to wake me. I've been waiting six weeks for you to wake up and when you do, I'm asleep."

James laughed softly with Carlos. "Come closer."

"I should go get the doctor," Carlos said reluctantly as he motioned to the door, but James shook his head, reaching out and loosely grasping Carlos' wrist with the little strength he had.

"In a minute. I just need to – to tell you." James' voice was low and Carlos had to lean in to hear him "I know you were here with me the whole time. Sometimes I could hear you. I would try so hard to say your name and I just couldn't." Carlos swallowed hard and rested his forehead against James', seeing the tears in his boyfriend's eyes. "You – you read 'Goodnight Moon' to me."

Carlos laughed, blinking away tears. "Every single night."

"Thank you," James whispered, resting his hands on either side of Carlos' face and using his thumbs to brush away tears. "I love you. So much. "

"God, I love you too baby," Carlos sobbed, gently gathering James in his arms and hugging him. James tugged him until he moved to lay beside him in the bed. The two just held each other for dear life. If Carlos could help it, he was never letting go again.

* * *

><p>"Logan, you're such a baby."<p>

"I am not! I just don't want to…break you. That's all!" The spiky haired brunette stammered.

James rolled his eyes. "I am NOT that fragile. I think I'd survive if you pushed my wheelchair," He turned toward Kendall. "Slap him for me? I can't reach."

"Gladly." The blonde grinned as he reached out and gave Logan a gentle slap in the head.

"HEY!" Logan squeaked.

"Thank you," James said proudly. "Now let's GO. I need some fresh air."

The four guys all headed out to the courtyard of the hospital, Carlos pushing James in the wheelchair, Logan keeping a safe distance until Kendall grabbed his hand, forcing him to stay close.

It had been a long, rough six weeks but now that James was awake he was doing fine. He would need physical therapy to regain strength in all the muscles he hadn't used for six weeks but he would soon be able to go home, which thrilled Carlos to no end.

As they walked through the courtyard James caught sight of himself in a window and stared for a minute. "Carlos, stop pushing for a second!" he yelled out.

"Baby I told you, you look gr –" Carlos started to say, a frown forming on his face.

"Not bad for a guy who's been in a coma for six weeks!" James announced, raising an eyebrow at his reflection and grinning. He looked at the others, holding his hands up to either side of his face and wiggling his fingers, doing his signature "face." "I look GOOD!"

All three guys groaned, rolling their eyes. Some things never changed.

**And that's it! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!**


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